World No. 9 Paula Badosa spoke about her chronic back injury. Due to health problems, she has not competed since the WTA 1000 tournament in Miami.
Do you remember the moment you got the injury?
In Miami, I felt a sharp pain, like a whipcrack. For almost four weeks afterward, I couldn`t do anything – neither play tennis nor live normally. In the first few days in Monaco, I couldn`t even watch TV; I couldn`t find a position that wasn`t painful while sitting. The first injection did nothing; I was in despair, felt awful. After the second injection, the pain subsided, and I could live a normal life, then gradually started training and going to the gym.
You can`t live like this…
I wake up every day in fear. Seriously, this week I had to text Pol [Toledo, her coach] at 5 AM because I couldn`t sleep due to the uncertainty: what state will my back be in the next day, will I be able to live normally? Mentally, it`s the hardest part.
Judging by your words, you`ll never be able to step onto the court without risk again.
There will always be some risk, and that`s what worries me the most. In the first match in Miami, I felt great, had been playing sets without problems for a week before, but after the sixth game, a sharp pain appeared, and it threw me off. I`m very emotional, so I didn`t understand: Is it serious? Is it due to stress, or just an awkward movement? In such moments, you`re lost. Then I decided: either I withdraw or I try to continue. Often, not withdrawing just worsens the condition. In some matches, I realize I`m not even playing against my opponent – and that`s frustrating.
Why do you keep trying?
I can`t do otherwise; I`m very stubborn. For me to end my career, the doctors would have to insist – and I`m constantly in touch with them. Many times I`ve told them: until you operate on me and say there`s no other choice, I will take injections, even though I know how badly they affect me and how harmful they are to the body.
Side effects?
Many, they affect me physically a lot. But if injections allow me to compete, I will take them. That`s my personality.
You talk about ending your career so calmly, as if it`s not far off.
Exactly, I`ve realized it. My strong character helped me gradually digest this thought: I know I`ll end my career early and go for surgery the very next day. I understand this given how my career is going and the problems I have with my back.
Is it worth it?
Tennis gives me a lot daily; the process itself is my passion. Ultimately, I`m only 27. If I had to retire at 30 or 32, fine. But if I can hold on longer, I`ll try.
Would playing less help?
That`s my problem: if I feel recovered, I want to play everywhere. Pol and I argue; he advises me not to look beyond the next tournament, not to focus on qualifying for Riyadh [the Finals], but I find it difficult. I`ve often asked myself: Do I want to play for five more years but less often, or do I want to take the risk and fight for big goals? I think the answer lies in finding a balance.
